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My resentment for people who have grandmothers and take it for granted

She turned 60 a couple of years ago and retired, which seems to have coincided with her problems. My dad bears the brunt of her bad behaviour. At times she can be sulky, petulant and totally unreasonable. She has threatened to divorce my father several times recently.

She has refused to speak to my brother for weeks over minor arguments.

5 Don

Her response to many small disappointments or not getting her own way has been to overreact. She recently visited and spent the weekend sulking and snapping at us all, causing a terrible atmosphere.

  • I think her retirement has not turned out as she envisaged it and she is angry and disappointed;
  • Or is the negative emotion just aggression?

My husband and I were very relieved when they left. I have never felt like this about my family before.

Are you an overwhelmed grandparent?

We all walk on egg shells around her. I think her retirement has not turned out as she envisaged it and she is angry and disappointed.

  • Let it be, but also let them know you love them no matter what;
  • Instead, respect their parenting efforts and look for reasons to complement them;
  • What makes her most herself, gives her confidence?

How do I encourage her to seek new challenges or find fulfillment elsewhere? Should I suggest counselling? Am I trying to parent my parent? Your situation is far from unusual — unfortunately. The week that I got your letter I got another, almost identical one. What happened to ME?

My mum’s moods and behaviour have changed radically - for the worse

Something may have happened — one big event or a series of smaller ones — to make her feel unhappy or put upon. We also need to rule out a couple of other things. I tread carefully as no one can — or should — diagnose your mother by letter. But therapists I showed it to said it would be prudent to get a GP to rule out conditions such as dementia or depression.

I mention the former very gently only because sometimes in the early stages people act out of character. When she is calm and you are all getting on is the time to have a talk, to try to ascertain if something is worrying her.

Or is the negative emotion just aggression? Is she sleeping well? Is this a continuation of a personality disposition that has worsened, or a complete change of personality? What makes her most herself, gives her confidence? Family therapist Caroline Dalal aft.

The absence of work and maybe feeling old perhaps serve to highlight other areas of her life that she feels unhappy about — again perhaps aggravated by loss of the self-esteem and status that she may have felt work and relative youth gave her.

  • But therapists I showed it to said it would be prudent to get a GP to rule out conditions such as dementia or depression;
  • Otherwise, you may end up needing their help;
  • So be glad there are other grandparents in the picture and know that your grandchildren can be close to all their grandparents;
  • Avoid these common pitfalls and build strong and trusting relationships with your grandkids by Amy Goyer, November 9, 2010 Comments;
  • I have never felt like this about my family before.

Find a calm, happy time to talk to your mum. A really good opener is: Is it how you imagined?

  1. The week that I got your letter I got another, almost identical one.
  2. Focus on being positive and supportive, not invasive, and you'll be a big hit as a grandparent. At times she can be sulky, petulant and totally unreasonable.
  3. You will end up feeling resentment. She has threatened to divorce my father several times recently.
  4. The parents of your grandchildren don't need you harping on their biggest fears and making them feel worse. What happened to ME?

He sounds as if he needs some support too. And maybe a bit of time apart would also do both of them good.